Author: hannahdunne87

Hello.

It’s been a while….. along while. I started this journey with the absolute best intentions in 2019, but with any health related journey, mental or physical, nothing is plain sailing. And my last year has been anything but that, my mental health took a very dark turn last year, a turn I wasn’t sure I would recover from, but I did!! Slowly, very very slowly, but only with some changes to my life, therapy, and actually starting from scratch with myself again have I managed that.

When I say starting from scratch with myself, I literally mean that. Mentally stripping my life back layer by layer, assessing each layer, do I want it anymore? Do I need it? Is it good for me? And by doing so I’ve made my life a little clearer. Everything from my marriage, my jobs, my friendships, my processions.

Things in my past, my childhood. I’ve had to peel them too. Loosing my dad left a gaping hole in my heart that I can’t explain or even comprehend. My dad and I never had a great relationship. He was a hard man to get along with at the best of times. He had to always be right, but when he became ill, my whole world came crashing down in a way that I ever expected. I’d just had my 30th Birthday, he was only 56. And he got very ill very quickly. To the point he was left with devastating disabilities, which didn’t stop the illness as it came back months later, quicker and stronger till he fell asleep September 2018. I felt like someone had punched me in the chest. He was gone. I spent the last 18 months looking after him everyday. And we became very close. Closer than we had ever been. He even said things like “I’ve never understood you until now” he explained that he realised who I was as a person and he was proud of that. But the past and my childhood was still there and will always be.

Now my dad wasn’t the only one to blame for my childhood at all. There was many factors in my childhood. But loosing my dad. Meant I’d lost the ability to ask why, to clear things. It opened up the pain I’d buried for along time. The feelings no child should feel. And I couldn’t process them anymore without help. And I’m not ashamed to say it. I needed help and I took it. My councillor was brilliant. A lovely kind and soft natured lady who let me babble on and cry and vent and then told me everything I felt was normal. And even helped me to understand why I felt them in the way I did. With counselling that everyone needs to understand too is, it’s not easy, it’s not a quick fix. I would come out a crying mess every session and ring my best friend and shout down the phone to her too. But that’s a good thing. That’s the emotions and feelings and grief coming out. I was releasing them. So don’t start and think it’s not working if you feel horrible after each session. It is! I promise you. Keep going.

Now I’m also not ashamed to say I take medication for my mental health. I have done so for nearly 10 years. I strongly believe that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain and without the medication to balance it out it doesn’t get better. But that is for me! And I respect people who don’t want to take medication to. But please ask why. And think….. if you felt Poorly would you take medication then? If you had an infection? If another part of your body didn’t work? Your heart? Your kidneys? Your thyroid? You’d take medication, so why not the brain??

Now I’m peeling my layers I’ve also had to think, what does make me happy? My children, my family, my dog, my home, my hobbies…. so in finding your happiness, remember what makes you happy. Stop doing what doesn’t. I’ve recently made the decision to stop drinking. I was going out a lot the last year. Drinking uncontrollably, which made my mental health a lot worse. And it didn’t make me happy. Yes I’d have a high that night. Drinking, dancing, but then came the lows and they were very low. So I peeled that layer, asked myself why I was doing it, did it make me happy? No! So that layer has gone! Also my job, now I love what I do, but something wasn’t making me happy, maybe not being their for my children 100% or having time for me in between everyone else, but that layer needed changing too. So I found a new job that fits around my life and children better.

Then came the broken ankle 🙈 8 weeks of being unable to look after myself or do anything and being in constant pain. Of hospitals, surgery, pain killers! I’m glad to say that it’s all on the mend now slowly, slow steps. But with the possibility of needing more surgery again soon. It has given me the kick up the arse I needed again. With 8 weeks of sitting around with nothing to do but think about my life and what I wanted for it. I wanted 2016 Hannah back. The happy, confident Hannah. Although this Hannah still had layers she needed to remove which 2020 Hannah is now doing!

So as you can tell. No I didn’t have a gastric sleeve in the end. My surgery got cancelled due to life factors that I had to put my self on hold again and get on with what I needed to do. And I haven’t got plans to continue with this plan as of yet. As for now I’m just focusing on my health as a whole. Mental and physical. Maybe one day I will, but only if I think or want to. At the moment I don’t. I feel like I can do this my way.

Not that I think there is a problem with it. Everyone is different and if you feel you need any type of surgery to better yourself then that is your business and should do what makes you happy. For now I’m taking a day at a time. As Rome wasn’t built in a day. Nor should your health. It’s should be built on solid grounds and worked up. And that’s what I intend on doing from now. Chipping away on the bad vibes and replacing with the good energy.

I’ll end this with some inspiration, be kind. Not only to yourself but to everyone else. Everyone has a battle of their own, everyone has something to balance, or to juggle. If only we could spread more kindness in this world we could help so many more people without even realising it. But also be kind to yourself. One day is one day. The next day is a new day. And so on. Don’t treat every day the same. If one day fails, then push it away. The next day is a brand new day to start again and rise up! Don’t keep missing your opportunity.

One small step is a step forward and a step closer. 😊

My journey isn’t just about weight loss and physical health. It’s very much about mental health too.

I have always suffered from poor mental health even as a child. Coupled with some events in life too that added to the problems.

But I’ve always felt there isn’t enough help or knowledge and understanding about mental health. Especially in children.

Mental health effects everyone. Be it big or small. And their is nothing to be ashamed of. As a family mental health is very much a big part of our lives. We all suffer differently from it just like everyone else but it doesn’t matter how you suffer or why you suffer, no ones pain or suffering is bigger or better than anyone else’s. we all have a right to feel feelings and how they feel to us is important and should never be made to be insignificant in anyway or to be told were being silly.

Acts of kindness can help, just showing you are there and understand that they are in pain even if you don’t understand their pain is ok.

Here it goes….

My journey in trying to find myself, in trying to become healthier, not just in weight but in body, mind and soul. To explore what it takes to eat healthily, live healthily , move healthily and try make my mental health healthier.

We live in a world of hate and anger, of judgement and criticism and no doubt I’ll recieve some for this page and blogs but I believe that the good out weighs the bad and I can’t wait to connect with amazing, inspirational people who may fall upon this. To help raise others up, as we all should, to spread a little kindness and to bring people together.

Life can be hard and we all walk our own paths and have our own stories but every story counts.

After loosing my dad at the age of 58, I decided that it was time to sort my health out once and for all, my dad dying at such a young age made it hit home to me that we really need to look after ourselves, and if I didn’t do it now, I would too die young. Leaving behind my children.

Also I wanted to enjoy what life I did have, I wanted to be able to run and play with my children, I wanted to do activities or even just enjoy getting dressed up and going out. I wanted to climb mountains, I wanted to jump on the trampoline with my kids or run around a play centre with them. I wanted to teach them healthy ways of life and see them enjoy an active life with their mum joining in the fun not watching from the side.

My weight was affecting my health too. I had mobility problems which were getting worse, that I was sure would see me permanently disabled in later life. I always had a headache and was always tired.

I’ve dieted before but always put the weight back on and found them hard to stick to fully, I was always left hungry and always left thinking about food and when I can next eat again. So I made the decision to have weight loss surgery. I researched all different prodecures and different clinics before deciding what I wanted to do and with who. I then meet with my surgeon, who made me feel really at ease and I knew then that it was the right decision. I then booked my surgery. On the 23rd February 2019, I will be having a gastric sleeve.

So here the journey begins….

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton